What I learned from a broken heart…

Affirmation: You are in the process of being healed from your broken heart.

Cooking has become therapeutic for me.

Reading is a positive distraction from my personal worries.

Exercise relieves my stress…when I make time to actually participate.

Writing…has become self affirming and restoring…

Laughing…a reminder of my joy.

These are pieces of my healing process.

When it comes to a crushed heart….ahhh now that’s a hard one.  So many of us beautiful, bright, successful, intelligent you name it-women are dealing with unhealed broken hearts and spirits. We try to cover it up by moving onto the next man because we are afraid of being alone, feel that we are “missing out” or, worse, attempt to create the picturesque idea of what we think our lives “should” be at this point.

Oh girl! I know this story all too well. Hey, I’m in my mid 30’s and if you would have asked me at 18 what I’d be doing now…I would of given you a completely different response than what I’ve experienced. Are my experiences wrong or unwarranted? I won’t get into self judgement at this point but some of my decisions have not been the best. The point is we can’t control it all, even who we fall in love with and what the aftermath of that love looks like.

If someone would have taught me as a teenager how to truly fall in love with myself, I wonder if the amount of heart-break I’ve experienced at this point in my life would have happened. Lord only knows.

In the midst of a confused mind, heart and spirit, we go and go…and go and hide and hide and hide and…put on front after front… without being…still enough to recognize the truth. Truths are told far sooner than the words that speak but we are sooo caught up that we loose…ourselves.

HEALING IS NECESSARY!

I’ve had my heart broken….well actually a few times.  It’s been broken then crushed into tiny pieces to the point where I felt doomed, miserable and unable to recognize that I can be free from the painfully disturbing pain of a heartbreak with sprinkles of love, forgiveness, strength, hope and prayer.

Let me tell you something real- I never gave my broken heart a chance to heal because I didn’t know how.  Please believe that I was the one who went on and on…never really stopping long enough to recognize and love on me. This led to relationships full of extreme disappointment, misuse, manipulation, verbal abuse, confusion, bitterness and malicious bouts of anger…all because I didn’t heal.

Oh, sis, I covered it well…hiding from truth, fearing loneliness, seeking love and recognition from a man when it needed to come from myself.

I got over the man not physically being there but never fully over what hurt I experienced. I can’t blame it all on them. I didn’t recognize my queen status enough to not let it happen. I just continuously moved on thinking that the next one will be much better than the priors. When the next one didn’t make me “feel validated  as a women or “fully” happy, I gave up hope and walked away with yet another…broken heart. First off, don’t fall into the trap of thinking a man should make you feel complete in your happiness or worth. It all starts with you first. I had to learn this the hard way…

The cycle: it went on and on, the act of jumping into a new situationships, one after the next, looking for men to complete me, affirm my importance and to prove to the rest of the watching world that yes, I am successful. Different man, same scenario. Broken hearted. unhealed. repeat. repeat. And…this destructive cycle continued…for years.

I eventually began to accept relationship failure as the norm and was determined to see every man who came into my life as a source of pain because I never healed….

It became too much-

  • When true love entered my life and I found myself making excuses to accept it.
  • When I found myself expecting failure to occur in future relationships.
  • When I couldn’t love myself enough to let go of the past.
  • When all my thoughts became a self-destructive web of confusion, pain, bitterness and brokenness.

Self-love takes work. I recognized the need for healing and wanted to do so.  In order for me to get through this, despite my broken heart experiences, I needed to take all of these healing scenarios into consideration by…

  • Letting go of my past in order to successfully move forward.
  • Anticipating positive change.
  • Learning to trust that God is protecting my heart and spirit.
  • Listening to my inner self.
  • Accepting true love.
  • Giving true love.
  • Speaking positive affirmations aloud.
  • Realizing that all will work out for the good regardless.

When I realized that life always works out for the good…I could finally let go- breathe- seek peace… and finally practice self-love.

Have I accomplished complete success in all these areas? Ha! Noooooo…Hecky naw. Gurl…puleeze! It’s a process.

What are you doing to heal from a past broken heart experience?

Sis-star!  I write from a place of transparency and truth. I share in this space because I  see so many of my friends, acquaintances, family members, sis-stars and readers alike go through the same cycles of self sabotage and hate over and over again. We aren’t built for this! We are built to gain the victory over the stress, the mess, the lost sense of self and most definitely the broken heart. Hearts aren’t meant to stay broken. They are meant to give love and receive love. I knew that I had love to share and that I DESERVED true, unapologetic love…and so do you.

Matter of fact, let’s start by the words you speak over your life. Your heart isn’t broken. Your heart is in a state of healing. Your mind, body and soul are all connected to your healing journey.

Brokenness isn’t a permanent place but a time to reflect, renew and restore. It’s a time to realize what’s broken and then love on yourself enough to want to grow, improve and make peace with your past hurt.

It ALL starts from within. I can’t push you. Your kids can’t. Your sista girls can’t. You have to want change. It starts with the desire to be more in line with purpose. It starts with being in love with your self enough to not allow that broken heart to linger any longer because you deserve joy.  Let’s move forward in the spirit of healing and love.

Remember, it’s a process!

 

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Your worth is greater than your woes…

I want to share something with you…something from my experiences but mainly from my heart space.

In moments of chaos, confusion, bitterness, broken spirits and self-doubt, don’t forget who you were created to be. You weren’t created to hold that emotional baggage for long without figuring out the lesson.

Yes, life happens and I’m a witness to all of the above mentioned emotional upheavals but I had to realize that at some point, self-sabotage is a beast and that my worth was greater than my woes.

I would go around finding excuses for why I shouldn’t love or be loved. I would make excuses for why I am not where I really wanted to be. Procrastination.

Excuses after excuses, self-doubt after self-doubt. I was literally selling out my worth for my woes.

Not anymore.

I decided. I decided that it was time for me to love again…and I’m talking about the love that allows you to fall deeper in love with yourself.

Believe me when I say that…

Positive minds sprinkled with some self-love will shift your perspective.

Shift perspectives affirm truths.

Your truths are what keeps you grounded in peace, self-compassion and awareness.

Your awareness and self-compassion remind you that your purpose is now.

Allowing unproductive or negative situations to dwell only keeps you in a place of mental suffering and emotional turmoil. If I can offer any advice, no matter what is thrown your way, love on you and don’t allow the woes/frustrations or enemy of life keep you in a place of fear, complacency, self-doubt or confusion.

Self sabotage is a beast so don’t allow it to over consume your awesomeness.

Your crown should stay strategically positioned on your head so that you can constantly remember your fabulousness! As I tell my son and my students, hold your head up high and smile. We sometimes need to encourage our own selves, ya feel me?!

Take whatever lesson life is showing and throwing you in the now and use it to your benefit for future reference. We are all here to love, learn, grow, glow, influence and to fulfill our God-given purpose.

If you would just take a moment to shift your thoughts about your self-worth…

Why not love, laugh, reflect, speak truth, listen to your spirit and open your mind to new possibilities and changes?

Love on you and remember, your worth is far greater than your woes.

Change.

BE FREE.

The world needs you to shine today so dust off your crown, put your red lipstick on and strut your stuff in the rain, snow or sleet.

(Sidebar) If you’re like me and live in a warmer climate, you don’t have to be bothered with any of those melodramatic weather scenarios.

Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus!

Your present moment is a gift from God so shine lady, shine on…

Affirmations:

I am joy, peace and love.

I will allow my amazing spirit to matter today because I’m love.

 

 

In the spirit of…gratitude!

I truly miss this space. You know that when you are in a constant reflection of something or always longing for it, especially when that “thing” pertains to your purpose or being in God’s will for your life, it is a sign that you need to get back on it.

My blog needs heaps of love right now. Feeding the dry places of this blog space is essential to my growth as a writer and my readership.

By the way, I just published another You Tube video on gratitude. Make sure you watch it, like it and subscribe to my channel. I have many more videos coming regarding my journey as a single mom, new relationships/dating and being in the spirit of self-love and awareness.

Speaking of gratitude, what are you grateful for?

I’m grateful for…

  • The Holy Spirit
  • my passion for sharing my story
  • my caring and nurturing spirit
  • motherhood
  • my ups/downs and all in between
  • love
  • My purpose
  • my goofy side
  • My gifts
  • My true tribe both near and far
  • spiritual awakenings
  • My intuitive nature
  • My strengths
  • My weaknesses
  • My health
  • My inspirations
  • My motivations
  • My ambition
  • etc….

It’s not too late to get started.

Keep a gratitude journal. Write down the things about you that you are most grateful for.

Sometimes, you need to be in gratitude of you before you focus on the things that you have. You are a unique creation that deserves constant recognition, love, affirmation, etc. Be in gratitude for you!

Side bar-Finding time to blog in conjunction with the many other aspects of my life has seemed near to impossible, however, shifting my mindset around why I do it evokes immediate gratification for my life.

Yeah, of course I can remember being able to knock out a post at least once a week, but somewhere along the way, I’ve allowed imbalance to set in, causing the rest of my wondering pursuits float on by without any given explanation on my part. I can’t continue to allow this to happen. YOU can’t continue for this to happen.

Are you in constant gratitude over what your life has offered? Are you even in a spirit of receiving those things or are you blinded by the wrong mindset?

I personally have to remind myself to be in consistent gratitude over my ideas, gifts, love for writing, sharing, communicating, helping, teaching, inspiring and…of course my longing for healing. Simply acknowledging the need to be in gratitude over myself allows me to realize that more checks and balances need to be in order for me to fully be present in myself and in full gratitude over the many wonderfully amazing parts of my life. Gratitude baby! Grab you some and…GO!

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Let me tell you about my date…

I did it. I did that thing…you know…I just went for it all the way…

I set the date and am going to make it happen.

I have a date for my very first…

Single Mother’s Event entitled, Single In Purpose! YESSSSSSSS!

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Now…what were you thinking? Did you think I meant a romantic counterpart? Well, well…In due time, honey, in due time… 😉

But about this other date…

You have no idea how far I’ve come nor how long I’ve hesitated, procrastinated and doubted this vision. I knew it was meant because…well…I couldn’t knock it no matter how hard I tried.

all-procrastination-is-fear

I’ve put it off, picked it back up and then set it down again, only to look at in the face with full and complete denial. I questioned God and even the reason behind why I want to do it. I contemplated, walked away, used my geographical location as a factor and excuse. Get this- I even allowed numerous haters to even try to discourage me from starting!!! Now..that’s really extreme. At the end of it all…I’m baaacccck and in full effect. I couldn’t resist. I wanted to do this…I needed to…it is on time, purposeful and real yall! It’s finally coming together.

So when I say you have no idea….girl…! The struggle is real!

So, this said event is in Las Vegas on May 13th.

The theme, Single in Purpose, derives from the idea that regardless of what “it” may look like, you are in this very place in your life for a reason. Maybe there is something that you can only do while single? God may be using you for something great right now and if you were married, the opportunity wouldn’t be as important. Single in Purpose is to remind you of your greatness in this very season. Being single doesn’t mean that you’ll be there forever nor should it feel like a prison sentence. I want to encourage women to believe in their now and to move in power, clarity, peace wisdom and determination, utilizing this time to the max because once this season is finished….

By the way, who told you that singleness is depressing, sorrowful or bitter? You are single for a reason. Enjoy it, be purposeful in it and use this opportunity to grow in you, become wiser, stronger and more prepared so that when God brings you to your due season, you know, the one you’ve feverishly prayed about unceasingly, you will be on fire!

You want to know something…? Shhhh…don’t tell anyone…but uh..

It’s really not as bad as it seems once you take the fear factor mask off, throw it down and run wildly toward the direction of finally doing that damn thang! I mean..shoot…I almost feel like saying…what in the world was I waiting for?!?! But gosh golly…we all know that ugly four letter word that starts with an F…and I’m not speaking of the explicit word!

This meet-up will introduce a new program that I’m starting which focuses on the single mom by inspiring her to get life/family into a more positive and progressive focus by incorporating resources and empowerment through workshops, classes, social outings and more.

To register for this FREE event, go here.

I’m sure that somewhere along the way I’ll fine tune it all but in the interim, I knew that it was time to make something happen. It was time to follow my dreams.

You want  to help? Sure! Invite a mom or two. They could surely enjoy the conversation, laughs, fellowship, community, eats, raffles, etc.  It will be long overdue and so necessary, especially right before Mother’s Day! I will be setting up a Go Fund me account soon so if a financial contribution would work better for you, that’s awesome. Between scheduling venues, speakers, food and materials, sponsorships would be a grand blessing!

In the meantime, be encouraged on today and don’t let any obstacles stand in your way of your dreams, goals and/or purpose. You are meant to plan that event, set up that meeting, schedule some time with that business partner, write that book, get on that plane, post that social media message, step out on faith, write that business plan and file those non-profit papers, etcetera, etcetera…

You have the authority to make it happen today! Get it!

Now excuse me as I continue on with my event planning shenanigans!

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Did you just drop the mic?

Did you really just “shut the front door” to make someone else feel better…?!?!

Before you drop that mic, your voice needs to be heard…You matter. We matter…it matters…

drop mic

 

Don’t you just miss our former president in times like this? I digress.

 

Let me get this off my chest…

To be honest, when I walk into certain rooms, I don’t feel qualified. Why? Well…more than likely from the debilitating idea that my voice or actions may make someone else feel uncomfortable or that they won’t be accepted, understood or acknowledged. I said it. I revealed a secret of mine…

 

If you aren’t making others uncomfortable, you need to up your game.

More than likely, if I say what I mean and mean what I say…someone will be:

  • hurt
  • uncomfortable
  • offended
  • mad
  • angry
  • happy
  • sad
  • bitter
  • confused

and…the list goes on.

At my school, for example, I’m one of the only black teachers. I work with people from all different age brackets and years of experiences but the one thing that stands true is…most of them don’t look like me nor can they relate to my theories, ideas or state of mind. So what! I’ve dropped that mic too many times for someone else to get the glory…I can’t do this anymore…I just can’t.

I think its even more important that as women of color, we need to use uncomfortable environments to be more awake, heard, proactive and empowering. Just because individuals don’t understand you doesn’t mean your voice shouldn’t be heard. Remember, you matter…and your message is deeply empowering.

black women office

I put out a controversial You Tube video the other day on why I don’t do long distance relationships and the reason why my ex and I are no longer together. Watch the video below and let me know what you think.

I got so much negative feedback to the point that I disabled the comments. I wanted to take the video down but…I decided to keep it posted because those are my words, my thoughts and ideas that I’ve decided to share with the world, unapologetically. Point. Blank. Period. It helped somebody…not everybody…but it still matters.

Becoming more aware of who we really are and not what people think about us.

Once I started accepting me for me and understanding that my uniqueness was a necessary contribution to my community, it made those rooms a little smaller, my voice a little louder and my faith much stronger.

You are…

amazing post june 17

God is trying to take you to another level so he will put you in those uncomfortable scenarios to give you the strength, courage and resilience to do accomplish any task, no matter the challenge.

You are beyond the limitations you and the rest of the world have set for you!

What will you speak out about today in those rooms you feel unqualified in? How will you expand your network, share your ideas to a group, speak up and be heard? Do it…no matter how uncomfortable you make others feel.

Our children are always watching us and we need to set the tone for what we expect from them.They need to feel empowered on purpose and made aware that their voice matters!

 

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