There was a time when I couldn’t take a compliment. If someone said I looked nice, I would discredit their compliment. If someone complimented me on an accomplishment, I would discretely cringe because I didn’t believe in my self nor did I think highly of who I was.
I was insecure.
I was broken.
I was wrought with low self-esteem.
I had absolutely no confidence whatsoever.
So, a compliment?! No thanks!
I come from a family where there isn’t lots of complimenting, supporting or encouraging. I have had family members plot against me, talk about me behind my back and secretly wish for me to fail.
So, these feelings of unworthiness all came from a place of never feeling adequate. In the beginning of my self discovery process, healing didn’t occur from those traumatic family episodes nor from the few toxic relationships that I entertained. I didn’t know how to love on myself after all this which eventually caused me to neglect my value factor and worth as a woman, causing me to make lots of wrong decisions, especially with men.
What I’ve learned from that is to not harbor bitterness toward the past hurts but to use them as a catalyst to create change.
I started to ask myself, why not?
Why can’t I just say thank you?
Why can’t I believe that I’m a beautiful and talented woman?
Why can’t I recognize my worth?
Seeing that there is value in me took lots of self-love and healing, a very hard but very necessary process.
Complimenting the next will encourage you
I can remember when I was so low that complimenting someone else was not easy. I had to get over the hurdle of insecurity, jealousy and bitterness by uplifting the next person, especially sistars of color.
What’s up with that? Why do we (sistars of color) have such a hard time encouraging one another in true authenticity? It’s slowly happening more often than not but it’s definitely time for a shift.
(Fast forward several years and even more bumps along the way)–
My mindset eventually shifted (THANK GOD) and so did my actions. When the compliments rolled in, I happily accepted them. Why?
I began to recognize that I couldn’t continue to devalue myself based on someone else’s limited perception of who I am AND I needed to see myself as an extraordinary woman with a priceless value.
I complimented lots today and I’m proud.
Some of the compliments included:
“Congratulations on the recognition.”
“What a great post.”
You never know how your words can shift someone’s thoughts about self!
What I noticed is this–with every compliment I gave, it not only encouraged them but me as well. You never know how someone may feel in that very moment. The very impact of your words can shift the whole trajectory of their mindset.
Sometimes, we may not feel like saying anything but remember, whatever you put out into the universe will return to you. Remember, your words, although small, can bring about a HUGE shift in someone’s life. They weigh heavy so use them kindly and wisely.
With all this, don’t forget to compliment and encourage yourself, beautiful soul.
By the way, check out a previous blog post of mine on doing a much needed mirror check.
I’m so thankful that now, I can actually take a compliment. Be blessed.