What I learned from a broken heart…

Affirmation: You are in the process of being healed from your broken heart.

Cooking has become therapeutic for me.

Reading is a positive distraction from my personal worries.

Exercise relieves my stress…when I make time to actually participate.

Writing…has become self affirming and restoring…

Laughing…a reminder of my joy.

These are pieces of my healing process.

When it comes to a crushed heart….ahhh now that’s a hard one.  So many of us beautiful, bright, successful, intelligent you name it-women are dealing with unhealed broken hearts and spirits. We try to cover it up by moving onto the next man because we are afraid of being alone, feel that we are “missing out” or, worse, attempt to create the picturesque idea of what we think our lives “should” be at this point.

Oh girl! I know this story all too well. Hey, I’m in my mid 30’s and if you would have asked me at 18 what I’d be doing now…I would of given you a completely different response than what I’ve experienced. Are my experiences wrong or unwarranted? I won’t get into self judgement at this point but some of my decisions have not been the best. The point is we can’t control it all, even who we fall in love with and what the aftermath of that love looks like.

If someone would have taught me as a teenager how to truly fall in love with myself, I wonder if the amount of heart-break I’ve experienced at this point in my life would have happened. Lord only knows.

In the midst of a confused mind, heart and spirit, we go and go…and go and hide and hide and hide and…put on front after front… without being…still enough to recognize the truth. Truths are told far sooner than the words that speak but we are sooo caught up that we loose…ourselves.

HEALING IS NECESSARY!

I’ve had my heart broken….well actually a few times.  It’s been broken then crushed into tiny pieces to the point where I felt doomed, miserable and unable to recognize that I can be free from the painfully disturbing pain of a heartbreak with sprinkles of love, forgiveness, strength, hope and prayer.

Let me tell you something real- I never gave my broken heart a chance to heal because I didn’t know how.  Please believe that I was the one who went on and on…never really stopping long enough to recognize and love on me. This led to relationships full of extreme disappointment, misuse, manipulation, verbal abuse, confusion, bitterness and malicious bouts of anger…all because I didn’t heal.

Oh, sis, I covered it well…hiding from truth, fearing loneliness, seeking love and recognition from a man when it needed to come from myself.

I got over the man not physically being there but never fully over what hurt I experienced. I can’t blame it all on them. I didn’t recognize my queen status enough to not let it happen. I just continuously moved on thinking that the next one will be much better than the priors. When the next one didn’t make me “feel validated  as a women or “fully” happy, I gave up hope and walked away with yet another…broken heart. First off, don’t fall into the trap of thinking a man should make you feel complete in your happiness or worth. It all starts with you first. I had to learn this the hard way…

The cycle: it went on and on, the act of jumping into a new situationships, one after the next, looking for men to complete me, affirm my importance and to prove to the rest of the watching world that yes, I am successful. Different man, same scenario. Broken hearted. unhealed. repeat. repeat. And…this destructive cycle continued…for years.

I eventually began to accept relationship failure as the norm and was determined to see every man who came into my life as a source of pain because I never healed….

It became too much-

  • When true love entered my life and I found myself making excuses to accept it.
  • When I found myself expecting failure to occur in future relationships.
  • When I couldn’t love myself enough to let go of the past.
  • When all my thoughts became a self-destructive web of confusion, pain, bitterness and brokenness.

Self-love takes work. I recognized the need for healing and wanted to do so.  In order for me to get through this, despite my broken heart experiences, I needed to take all of these healing scenarios into consideration by…

  • Letting go of my past in order to successfully move forward.
  • Anticipating positive change.
  • Learning to trust that God is protecting my heart and spirit.
  • Listening to my inner self.
  • Accepting true love.
  • Giving true love.
  • Speaking positive affirmations aloud.
  • Realizing that all will work out for the good regardless.

When I realized that life always works out for the good…I could finally let go- breathe- seek peace… and finally practice self-love.

Have I accomplished complete success in all these areas? Ha! Noooooo…Hecky naw. Gurl…puleeze! It’s a process.

What are you doing to heal from a past broken heart experience?

Sis-star!  I write from a place of transparency and truth. I share in this space because I  see so many of my friends, acquaintances, family members, sis-stars and readers alike go through the same cycles of self sabotage and hate over and over again. We aren’t built for this! We are built to gain the victory over the stress, the mess, the lost sense of self and most definitely the broken heart. Hearts aren’t meant to stay broken. They are meant to give love and receive love. I knew that I had love to share and that I DESERVED true, unapologetic love…and so do you.

Matter of fact, let’s start by the words you speak over your life. Your heart isn’t broken. Your heart is in a state of healing. Your mind, body and soul are all connected to your healing journey.

Brokenness isn’t a permanent place but a time to reflect, renew and restore. It’s a time to realize what’s broken and then love on yourself enough to want to grow, improve and make peace with your past hurt.

It ALL starts from within. I can’t push you. Your kids can’t. Your sista girls can’t. You have to want change. It starts with the desire to be more in line with purpose. It starts with being in love with your self enough to not allow that broken heart to linger any longer because you deserve joy.  Let’s move forward in the spirit of healing and love.

Remember, it’s a process!

 

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