Have you ever been ashamed of your shortcomings, past mistakes, decisions or failures? Hey, it happens and believe it or not, more than we’d like. They always say, what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. However, sometimes, you need to remind yourself of your greatness. You need to tell yourself that regardless of what decisions you’ve made in the past or heck, last night, you can and will overcome.
Remember, your purpose is greater than your past and your past is a part of the purpose.
That is even more of a reason as to why we can’t allow anger, unforgiveness or bitterness control our outcomes and destiny.
If you hadn’t experienced those bad break-ups, disappointments, hook-ups or misguided friendships, would you be as wise, smart, strong and equipped as you are today?
Let me share with you a piece of my story…
Around the time I had my son, I was a very lost soul. I felt scared, alone, depressed and doomed once I got pregnant because I was young and none of my friends were experiencing my life happenings.
I took the rejection that I received from getting pregnant as a form of failure.
I felt like a loner.
There I was–unwed, pregnant and…recently unemployed.
“What in the heck have I gotten myself into?”
My thoughts to self were destructive and painful. “My life is officially over” or “who wants to date a chick with a kid?” At that time in my life, I thought that the only real love I could receive was from a man. My relationship with God was faltering and inconsistent. Besides, I was very broken and hurt with multiple band aids on top of band aids, attempting to cover wounds from my past decisions. My ex wasn’t really respecting me or giving me the time and attention I thought I needed, especially during the pregnancy.
Having a baby out-of-wedlock wasn’t honorable but it was my reality and the shame and embarrassment stung worse than any bee bite.
About 2 years after my son was born, I decided to find love, acceptance and validation anyway I could to make myself feel “whole” again since my I felt that I was missing out on life. I still wanted to be social, date and feel like a 27-year-old when all along my purpose and destiny was looking for me. I mainly sought love from men in the form of attention, time and romance. I was beyond bitter and hurt and didn’t have a clue as to how to get out of my situation.
I lied to myself about my true feelings and I knew that what I was doing to seek validation wasn’t helpful for the healing process. I compromised my happiness, body and mental clarity for flings that didn’t mean a darn thing. I settled for less than I deserved mainly because I didn’t know God. I didn’t have hope. I didn’t know love. I wasn’t giving my son the time and attention he deserved because my focus was elsewhere.
There were many days when I looked at my son and I thought, this boy needs all of me. He needs me to be the best mother I can be at this very moment in his life.
- What example was I setting for him?
- How was I being emotionally available?
- How could I give him the time and attention he deserved if I was tied to other situations?Besides, he didn’t ask to be here.
My priorities were all over the place and I knew that there were deeper wounds that needed to be healed. I needed to stop accepting falsified truths for the new norm for attention or fulfilling the desires of my flesh.
Moment of reflection…
It was in that very moment that I paused and took a deep reflection. Healing needed to occur. I needed to regain whatever self-love I’d lost in the process of trying to be accepted by all these people and get my life back to a position of healing, self-love and purpose. I needed to be in a more stable place mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. My mommy duties were calling and…so much more.
This was also around the time when I started accepting God as my truth and the love that I was seeking all along through study, prayer, fellowship and consistency.
Later on, during one of my healing moments, I finally discovered that those past decisions weren’t my complete and true identity.
I had to tell myself that I can and will overcome.
Sure, it was a part of my journey but I couldn’t let it construct my complete identify or keep me from my purpose. In other words, I had to learn about self forgiveness and understand that there is purpose in your pain.
We serve an intentional God and if he allowed it to happen, it is apart of the plan he has for our life. Once I started growing more in the Lord, I realized that his love was all I needed and he would send the right one to me in his timing. I didn’t need to throw myself at a man, beg for attention or compromise my happiness for false love. I needed to stop, wait and find…me.
If it wasn’t for your story, where would you be? What testimony would you have and how could he get the glory?
Check out my latest You Tube video on this same topic.
This is why you shouldn’t be ashamed of your past
Because…God has already forgiven you.
However, many of us haven’t forgiven ourselves. I lived with unforgiveness of self for years…..I mean years.
Now, I can say that I’m working on my feelings of shame in regards to my scars, tears, decisions and fears. I am understanding that going through what I did was part of my process of growth, transformation, acceptance and self-discovery. God has worked on me all this time and that those situations have only made me stronger, wiser and more equipped to recognize my truths! Those experiences that you’ve gone through are NOT a mistake but a purposeful part of your life story and God’s perfect plan. If you think back, he has equipped you with all that you need to get through your mess.
So, my sister, don’t be ashamed of your past, embrace it-learn from it-grow through it and learn to love you in the best way possible because you deserve it! What are you still holding onto today from your past that is causing you to feel unworthy? Trust that God has you where you are today for a reason and has taken you through your yesterday for a purpose. All of these experiences are preparing you for your tomorrow.
Writing down 4 positive affirmations about yourself:
Here are a few of my favs!
- I AM healed
- IAM victorious
- I AM loved
- I AM LOVE
- I AM forgiven
- I AM purposed for greater
Recite these daily.
- Keep a journal and record your inner thoughts.
- Write down any feelings of shame or disappointment. What is the root of those feelings and whats causing you to condemn yourself? Be honest.
You never know…you may share your story with someone who needs a healing and your experiences. We’ve all been down roads that we don’t want to repeat, however, it happened for a reason.
Girl, don’t be ashamed…never look back in regret…just start thanking God for the path that you are on now and the deliverance and lessons that have occurred along the way.
I repeat, YOU are YOU are for a reason! Don’t be ashamed of your past! Your past is a part of your purpose…and you are purposed for a greater calling than you could ever imagine!