Geesh! Can’t you take a compliment?

There was a time when I couldn’t take a compliment. If someone said I looked nice, I would discredit their compliment. If someone complimented me on an accomplishment, I would discretely cringe because I didn’t believe in my self nor did I think highly of who I was.

I was insecure.

I was broken.

I was wrought with low self-esteem.

I had absolutely no confidence whatsoever.

So, a compliment?! No thanks!

I come from a family where there isn’t lots of complimenting, supporting or encouraging. I have had family members plot against me, talk about me behind my back and secretly wish for me to fail.

So, these feelings of unworthiness all came from a place of never feeling adequate. In the beginning of my self discovery process, healing didn’t occur from those traumatic family episodes nor from the few toxic relationships that I entertained. I didn’t know how to love on myself after all this which eventually caused me to neglect my value factor and worth as a woman, causing me to make lots of wrong decisions, especially with men.

What I’ve learned from that is to not harbor bitterness toward the past hurts but to use them as a catalyst to create change. 

I started to ask myself, why not?

Why can’t I just say thank you?

Why can’t I believe that I’m a beautiful and talented woman?

Why can’t I recognize my worth?

Seeing that there is value in me took lots of self-love and healing, a very hard but very necessary process.

Complimenting the next will encourage you

I can remember when I was so low that complimenting someone else was not easy. I had to get over the hurdle of insecurity, jealousy and bitterness by uplifting the next person, especially sistars of color.

What’s up with that? Why do we (sistars of color) have such a hard time encouraging one another in true authenticity? It’s slowly happening more often than not but it’s definitely time for a shift.

(Fast forward several years and even more bumps along the way)–

My mindset eventually shifted (THANK GOD) and so did my actions. When the compliments rolled in, I happily accepted them. Why?

Because…

I began to recognize that I couldn’t continue to devalue myself based on someone else’s limited perception of who I am AND I needed to see myself as an extraordinary woman with a priceless value.

Compliments, anyone?

I complimented lots today and I’m proud.

Some of the compliments  included:

“Nice pants.”

“Congratulations on the recognition.”

“What a great post.”

“Beautiful necklace.”

“Awesome idea.”

 

You never know how your words can shift someone’s thoughts about self!

What I noticed is this–with every compliment I gave, it not only encouraged them but me as well. You never know how someone may feel in that very moment. The very impact of your words can shift the whole trajectory of their mindset.

Sometimes, we may not feel like saying anything but remember, whatever you put out into the universe will return to you. Remember, your words, although small, can bring about a HUGE shift in someone’s life. They weigh heavy so use them kindly and wisely.

With all this, don’t forget to compliment and encourage yourself, beautiful soul.

By the way, check out a previous blog post of mine on doing a much needed mirror check.

I’m so thankful that now, I can actually take a compliment. Be blessed.

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I’m not qualified…

I’m not qualified for this!

You mean to tell me that I have to….?

There wasn’t even a  yes/no/maybe box that I could check off or an option as to whether I even wanted to participate.

“You got this! What’s the problem?” 

“Oh, and you will need to research information about assessments and be ready to present by next Thursday.”

“Are you seriously asking me to…? What do you mean what’s my problem?”

I know she didn’t just ask me to…

“I’m not qualified for this. What about her over there….ask her.”

I don’t even want to begin to know what they are going to think of me. I’m just not qualified for all this!

Besides, I don’t like speaking in front of people so why in the heck would you choose—Why would you choose….me?

“Look, let me continue on with my current flow and get back to sippin on my tea in my comfort zone, okay lady?” Becuase…I’m just not qualified.

_________________________________________________________________________________

This was my head a few days ago.

I was asked to speak in front of 30 or so colleagues for our January staff meeting. Oh, and for those of you who don’t follow me regularly, I’m that 1st grade teacher you always wish you had…let that one sink on in for a minute while I clear my throat.  Ahh emmm.

I digress.

I was still stuck on the words–

“You will be co-presenting…”

The rest of the words after that became a blur. Out of the 30 or so staff members, you couldn’t pick someone else? I wasn’t qualified for this.

I would do anything to NOT get up in front of people. Just sit me in a corner to listen and watch. I’m a shy lady. See, I’m just not that qualified… 

There was no backing out unless I quit my job and hustle to find another. That wasn’t happening…bills are currently wreaking havoc in my life unfortunately…but, I just wasn’t qualified.

Somehow, Someway

I researched. I stayed up staring at the computer screen until 1:37 a.m. while my spirit was filled with nervousness, angst and anxiety over what could potentially become an epic fail. I’m just not qualified for this! Why?

Did you say you weren’t qualified?

Well, 3:49 p.m. Thursday afternoon came and I found myself in front of those 30 or so judgemental co workers. I originally thought I would freeze up, slur my words, get all sweaty and pass out. No joke. I literally passed out about a month ago so ya girl ain’t playin.

This presentation, however, not only forced me to research a strategy that I probably wouldn’t have taken the time to do otherwise but allowed me to truly face my fears.

One thing that I can take away from all this is:

  • I felt good after it was all said and done.
  • It wasn’t so bad after all.
  • I felt confident to do it again.
  • I felt accomplished in the task of actually doing what I said I would do.
  • I felt nervous…but that comes with the territory, I suppose.

What mattered the most for me is…I FACED MY FEAR.

I can remember being asked to speak a few months back in front of a room full of strangers. Girl, I spilled that tea! I told all my little business and it came easy. Why? I figured that I’ll never have to see them folks again. These co-workers….girl…I tell ya is an entirely different dramatic episode.

As black women, we tend to lower our believe systems about ourselves to make others in the room comfortable. Yes, I said it: You have been disqualifying yourself for far too long. Release all those lies…

Did you read the book?

I read the Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes last year and it truly was a life changer for me. If you haven’t read it yet, I highly suggest it, especially if you are like me and afraid of anything that has to do with the infamous words: PUBLIC SPEAKING. Rhimes, who became my virtuous sistar by the end of the book,  literally said YES to all of the opportunities that were presented to her in that year as she watched her life transform into amazingness! Another black woman game changer. Love it!

Will this be your year of Yes?

I finally said Yes!

I finally told my fears that yes, I’m qualified.

I realized after the fact that I was automatically disqualifying myself by thinking I wasn’t worth it. Not only did I allow my fears of public speaking discourage me,  I literally told my self that I wasn’t good enough to speak in front of people whom I felt were more experienced than I.

Get ready for position…

Now ladies, this is the worst form of self-sabotage we can do for ourselves: underestimating the greatness within.

I was being positioned for something that I had prayed for weeks and even months ago but I disqualified myself before the opportunity because I didn’t see my greatness.

However–

I was forced to face my fear, say yes and do it scared. Did I fail? No. Was I qualified? Of course I am!  Never underestimate the power of your greatness. You got this!

Do you keep a prayer journal?

I’ve been keeping a prayer journal since the beginning of the year. I write down things that I’m praying for, my moments of gratitude and the dream details that I do remember. I write these down because believe it or not, we can lose our memory really quick, especially when it comes to what God is doing for us. So, I’ve been asking God to position me to speak in front of people.

Sometimes, God will force you out of your comfort zone because he knows that the purpose on your life is much more powerful than your fears. 

Let’s not disqualify ourselves and miss out on a blessing, an opportunity, favor or even promotion. God has more in store for you beyond your imagination so please sis, don’t disqualify your blessing!!

Your past is your past. You are growing, glowing, evolving and changing. Give yourself permission to do so, not necessarily in that order. 🙂 Just do the damn thang…

The universe needs you to be your best self and to THRIVE!

Just because opportunities haven’t happened like this for you in the past, doesn’t mean that it won’t for you in the NOW! This is your season to shine and to push past whatever it is that’s holding you back.

You ARE qualified to get whatever it is that is designed for your purpose, unapologetically!

This is your season so get ready!

 

 

That nagging feeling…

Something didn’t feel right. I just couldn’t figure it all out…
I tried to overlook this feeling because I thought it was my ugly insecurities roaring again, trying to block me from my blessings. Go away, chile, go away!
But that nagging feeling…it just wouldn’t go away.
It was almost as if it was a blaring red flag, as they like to say, right in my face. Stop!
I saw it waving  but…I pushed that out of my face, too. Lies…I tell ya…all lies! Not today!
I ignored all the basic signs, gave in to the benefit of the doubt. I hid my truth to satisfy. I hid my truth to please. I hid my truth to what I thought was love but…
That feeling….the nagging…it just wouldn’t go away. 
I even covered up for the world to see with my pout painted in my favorite Ruby Red lipstick. I curled my thick locs and kept my body tight.  I had it going on and you couldn’t tell me NOTHIN! I’m snazzy!
There shouldn’t be reasons why my feelings would lie. Sistah Intuition–are you hatin on me again?
Sistah please!
But that nagging feeling…it wouldn’t go away.
I was more than qualified–two degrees, independent, purpose-filled, gifted..and shall I say sexy!
But that nagging feeling…it just wouldn’t go away.
I settled, compromised, fake smiled, ignored my feelings and hoped for the best…
But that nagging feeling…it just wouldn’t go away.
 I wanted to love. I wanted to be loved. I wanted it to work out the way I wanted it to…
Bump that! Naw…this ish has got to work dammit!
But that nagging feeling…it just wouldn’t go away.
But the nagging…the source came from a deep sense of intuition, which always told me the truth in the past but…I didn’t want to hear all that jazz . No!
So go on, Sistah Intuition, go on with all that nonsense foolery!
Fortunately,
She finally caught up with me…Sistah Intuition revealed the ugly truth. Ouch and amen.
Oh, Sistah Intuition, I wish I would’ve listened. Sistah Intuition….please, your truth hurts too much. _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I never understood the whole idea of women’s intuition until I fell in love. I never understood what that truly meant until I had experienced the aftermath of NOT listening to my intuition. Intuition, that tiny gut feeling that something is “off” or “not right” has tons of validity to it.

As women, we have a deeper understanding of what is good for us and the latter. I used to blame it on overworked emotions, past romances, broken hearts, etc but those came and left for a reason. They came to teach us and they ended up leaving us because life realized that we deserve sooo much more!

When we don’t realize our amazing strength, our wisdom, our beauty and the overall genius of who we are (truth), we fall for what we think of ourselves in that very moment. We think low…we get low. We think high…well…

However, when God is ready to take you to that next level, Sistah Intuition has to step in. She knows much better than we do in our very weak moments and recognizes our truth and potential.

We know better but we continue to fail at that soooo…

Sistah Intuition sends us gentle reminders that we deserve better and can do better.

It takes a desire to want better for self, life and love. It takes an incredulous amount of self-love to look in the mirror to recognize that yes, Sistah Intuition came to save my mind, body and soul…..and no…I won’t suffer any longer in a lie nor will I continue to run from the inevitable truth!

Dear Sistah Intuition…

I won’t ignore your light and truth. You graced my heart and spirit with your presence once again and for that, I’m forever grateful.

One day…at a time.

Peace be still.

 

in·tu·i·tion
ˌint(y)o͞oˈiSH(ə)n/
noun
noun: intuition
  1. the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.
    “we shall allow our intuition to guide us”
    synonyms: instinct, intuitiveness; More

    sixth sense, clairvoyance, second sight
    “he works according to intuition”
    • a thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning.
      plural noun: intuitions
      “your insights and intuitions as a native speaker are positively sought”
      synonyms: hunch, feeling (in one’s bones), inkling, (sneaking) suspicion, idea, sense, notion; More

Did you give it up yet?

Now that I have your attention…giving it up…doesn’t always have to relate to sex. Is that what you were thinking?

Giving it up comes in all forms…especially the energy that you…give up and start taking in.

I don’t think I fully gave up my full surrender to the whole positive energy shift that I blogged about last week. I actually reflected about the workplace, my relationship, regarding my personal time–energy is real. If you haven’t read my first blog about it, make sure you read what I had to say…

If I want more positivity….I have to literally talk the talk…and…well you know the rest. I have to essentially give up the energy that no longer serves me and give out the energy that I want to receive back.

I do actually try to practice what I preach and not be so hypocritical about it. I used to do that- “Girl, you should exercise at least 3 times a week, save money, do self-love checks and not stay in toxic, broken relationships!”

I actually told a friend all of this and then turned around to do the polar opposite, especially the part about staying in toxic relationships. Where did I find myself? In toxic, broken relationships. Another story for a different day but you can check out what I learned from a broken heart right here.

Reflections…

What am I doing to keep myself from attracting the energy I want and deserve?

Gossiping, negative thinking, being petty…yes, girl yes! I said it. Petty. It happens. It’s a process. But…I have to give it up. It no longer serves where I’m trying to take my life.

Let me tell it–

I found myself gossiping about work issues this week and honestly, I don’t remember the details but it had to be about something petty and quite frankly, it was none of my darn business…at all.

I have to admit–it’s contagious. It’s juicy…It’s…inevitably toxic!

The gossip is totally toxic and inevitably created more negative energy in my spirit. Get this– all the while, the person had no friggin idea that this was even happening! So who’s getting hurt by it in the end? I was giving off the negative energy therefore, it became apart of me. I gots ta give THAT up!

Are we building each other up, especially as women, or tearing us down? The world does enough of that already.

I thought I left those negative thoughts in 2017  is a blog post worthy of checking out.  (shameless plug)!! 

Trying to get to the next level in life, love, relationships, career–you name it–requires a shift in our energy that will attract what we are asking for. Give up what’s not working for you AND give what you want in return.

For instance–

I desire to be a wife but if I refuse to carry myself as such in the now, even before the husband has been confirmed, how will marriage manifest for me? I have to begin to act like one in order to become one. I definitely had to give my clubbing days a rest. I digress.

We are all going through the process of  seeking more whether it be in the form of love, time, recognition, money, attention, respect, resources…

In order for us to get more, we have to give more.

energy

Giving up more of our ENERGY in the form of  love, help, positivity, creativity, encouragement, motivation, patience, a listening ear…requires a shift in our thinking. It requires a change in how we want our lives to be. It requires the actual act of doing what it takes to get to that place. It requires a shift in our energy. This is part of that whole self-love mantra I so LOVE to talk about

So, I’m in the process of shifting today. What are you giving up?

Peace.

 

Energy shifting, peace, etc…

I recently wanted to put my energy into a trivial issue that was way beyond my control. Yes, I can pick at it, over analyze it and have the most insecure thoughts run rampant in my head. How would that benefit me though?

Yes, I was getting to that point but then I stopped to ask myself, “Is this a true reflection of my greatness?”

“Is this very moment going to make me feel better about myself or attract the energy that I need to thrive?”

Absolutely not.

Low key: I so anxiously wanted the last word and I had to realize that by me encouraging further insult to injury, the only person I was truly hurting was myself. Not cute. 

I know it happens to the best of us: our energy gets caught up in the wrong places and it puts a hold on our lives which ends up becoming repeated cycle. That same negative energy keeps us focused on the wrong thoughts, people, emotions and scenarios and it forces us to stay in a cycle of personal destruction.

Shifting your energy to the positive instead of entertaining something negative, especially if it’s way beyond your control or doesn’t represent your wonderful self, is so powerful.

I write/speak on cycles a lot because I believe that if the lesson isn’t learned in the previous cycle, it will continue. Life is supposed to teach us lessons, especially through our experiences.

We have the power to choose how we disperse our energy and the type that we attract. I had to activate that today because I really wanted to allow my emotions to control me.

You have the power to do better than yesterday and even more tomorrow. You have the power to not allow outside circumstances determine your joy.

SO…

I made the self-preserving decision to NOT have the last word. I didn’t send a response to what could have been a COMPLETE disaster. I did this to not only protect my energy but to also remind myself that I don’t have to entertain my negative thoughts. You have the power to choose.

  • I can choose to be positive.
  • I can choose to shift my energy.
  • I can choose to focus on how I can be more aligned with the purpose that I was called to do.

Releasing the idea that I need to have it all figured out is so….darn freeing. I have so much living to do (as well as you) that doesn’t involve petty arguments, assumptions, anger, confusion, frustration, self-sabotage or manipulation.

No hunny, that’s definitely not cute.

You could be:

  • Seeking God through prayer, worship or reading his word
  • Activating your ministry
  • Reading a great book
  • Exercising
  • Planning your next get away
  • Working on a much-needed project
  • Spending quality time with loved ones
  • Finding ways to healthier living choices both mentally and physically
  • Enjoying nature
  • Focusing on your greatness
  • Participating in self-care rituals, unapologetically.

It’s totally up to you what you decide to label as your energy focus but it is a matter of being conscientious about your decision to maintain your peace and understand that your greatness matters. The energy you release into the universe will eventually make its back to you.

What are you doing today to shift your energy and focus on your greatness?

Make it a day of greatness, beautiful soul.