Trust it…

Trust the process, even if you can’t see the end results. Sometimes, you go through trials and challenges, delays and set backs. Those are part of the process.

The process is there to teach us, grow us, restore us and remind us that we are destined for more than what we are settling for.

Sometimes, the process lasts longer than others simply because we didn’t learn our lesson or it is preparing us for something greater.

I feel that I’ve been in the process of learning more about myself daily and with that comes a humbling process. I thought I had it all figured out. By now, I thought I’d be married with 3.5 kids, a beautiful German Shepard or Collie (I love German Shepard’s), nice home and a debt free life.

Now, for somebody, that’s their reality and I ain’t mad at em! It’s not to say that their life is better. My path is different and I’m finally accepting the fact that it’s perfectly okay.

You may not have had the life you expected but it probably turned out far greater than you ever imagined.

Learning to be in gratitude for who I am becoming is a “process” that I go through. 

#Self-awareness

Oh, and Girl– Let me not forget patience, soul-searching and a lot of humble pie.

When you realize that your process is unique to you, the temptation of wanting to compare won’t be a factor.

 

I just published a You Tube video on this very subject. Make sure to check it out.

 

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It’s here! That 30ish Life Podcast…

Hey! So, ya girl started a podcast. I’ve done the blogs and You Tube but I didn’t see this coming.  I’m officially a podcaster now alongside my good friend Rachon.

 

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It all started with an idea…

“We should start a podcast,” Rachon says.

“Oh, yeah, that sounds cute,” I said. What I really thought was, how in the heck is  that supposed to happen? I just listen…not record!

Can I be honest? I really didn’t think it would get this far. I gotta tell you…

It was a random conversation, something that was brought up but I didn’t think it would actually culminate to anything real since my follow through game is faulty at times. SMH

Team work is everything. If it was me…I might still be on phase procrastination-writing ideas down in my notebook and contemplating over them until I gave up and moved on to the next. I’m a serial procrastinator in the need of  a serious deliverance!

Well, with a team, I have accountability so giving up wasn’t an option. Rachon suggested that we start having meetings to discuss what we would talk about, our focus for the podcast and all that jazz.

Oh, so this is actually a real thing, I thought. We are really getting ready to launch a podcast?

 

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Since our schedules are equally crazy, I suggested that we meet on Friday evenings during Christion’s track meet practices so I wouldn’t sacrifice time with him. That’s my son, by the way if  you’re a newbie.

This became a very organized mission. We had agendas, meeting minutes, a next plan of action, research—we are officially getting ready to be iTunes, SoundCloud and Google Play official.

Weeks went by, meeting agendas set, action plans in full effect and Facebook live episodes on replay. Then, it eventually came down to technical conversations. What mic would we use? What platform is good for hosting? How long are podcast episodes? What is our layout? How do you even record a podcast? Setting up for i Tunes and SoundCloud? Is there a manual for this? Lawd, help us!

As I digress, I realize that we’ve come a very long way. What was simply an idea/suggestion turned out to be way more. It’s all still a work in progress but what I can say is this, we started it and that’s what matters most. It is a movement that will help so many women around the world! And BOOM! There it is, That 30ish Life became a real thing.

 

 

 

We set a date for the release of the very first episode back in January. I remember thinking…March is so far away but that time crept up with a quickness. Between the Facebook groups and Instagram posts..meetings/schedule conflicts, graphic design whammies, March definitely came super fast. Planning was the main thing. You must have a plan no matter what. It’s the one thing that allowed this idea to become a reality. What more can I say, if it wasn’t for accountability….where would I be?

March 10th…the official release date.

That 30ish Life Podcast was born because two women decided to use their voices to empower, uplift and unite single, women in their 30’s who are on a mission toward self-improvement. We did it. We launched the very first episode!

New beginnings…

The number 8 represents new beginnings. Since starting 2018, I’ve had a few new beginnings, including this podcast launch which I’m very proud of.

This episode is the first of many and will inspire, encourage, empower and motivate amazing queens throughout the world to be their very best.

I believe that this podcast will influence others to live in purpose and to let go of the past. This is a year of new beginnings not just for myself but for those who actually want to make a conscious effort to do more and who are willing to obey the calling on their life.

 

Why a podcast?

Well, let’s see. I think it started when I discovered the world of podcasting about a year ago. I’d heard about podcasts before but never fully discovered the full essence of them nor did I make myself available to listen. I think I stumbled upon someone’s social media page that featured a link for a podcast episode. At that time and still now, I am trying to expose my ear gate to something other than the music choices that I still consider because there’s still a hint of rachetness lingering…another deliverance needed!

There is NOTHING wrong with music, by the way. I just felt the need to educate myself, hear a different perspective, get some wisdom, change it up a bit–you know.

So, eventually, my podcast library consisted of a little more than 10 different stations, all from different perspectives, but just enough to keep me interested.  I listen as I clean the house, drive home from work, at the grocery store and whenever I feel like it. I am really into podcasts now so what better way to start. Why not join the movement?

The That 30ish Life Podcast primarily focuses on minority single women in their 30’s who are on a mission toward self-improvement. They don’t follow the crowd and walk to their own tune. They are independent, smart, sophisticated, opinionated, melanated, and open for controversial dialogue with other like-minded individuals.

The myth that we MUST have something wrong with us if we aren’t married and knocked up by 29 has been dispelled. How dare you hit your 30’s without the ring and the baby on the way? Shame on it all.

This is the unfortunate stigma that has been placed on our generation, especially women of color. We are pressured about the husband, kids, career—it becomes overwhelming to the point that you automatically feel something is wrong with you all because you don’t fall into the category that everyone thinks you should be in.

From what I’ve witnessed from most of my friends, peers or other women in this age group is that we are game changers. Our lives don’t mirror that of our parents/grandparents. We are marrying later, having babies much farther down the road and starting our businesses faster. We are stepping into our purpose and making moves for our future generations. We are reclaiming our time! Go head, Maxine, for making that proclamation.

All of what is meant for you will come. Trust God’s timing!

Quite honestly, you can’t determine your life based on other people’s limited perception of you. Times have changed, life is different. I had my son at 25, unwed…

Whether you are 30, 40, 50 or beyond, you have the right to be authentically you, unapologetically.

So, get to it. What are you starting this year?

  • A book
  • Podcast
  • You tube channel
  • Blog
  • Song/Album
  • Ministry
  • Business

Your calling is not just for you to fulfill on this earth but for the next soul who needs to “heal” from your testimony.

Congratulations to That 30ish Life and the hosts Kristen and Rachon!

Check us out on:

iTunes

SoundCloud

Follow/join us on Social Media:

Instagram: That 30ish Life

Facebook: That 30ish Life Podcast

Email your comments to: that30ishlifepodcast@gmail.com

 

Attack me if you want…

This morning, I woke up feeling defeated, discouraged and a bit depressed. There has been one thing after the next. For starters, yesterday I found out that someone put my son’s lunch box in the boys’ bathroom toilet. Who does that? The devil is a lie!

I know it seems silly but out of all the kids you want to pick on mines? You must have forgot who I was…Oh, don’t judge me by appearances.

I was furious when he tells me this because I just knew it was a prank or worse, a potential bully. I’m very protective over my son, especially since he’s my only one. I am also especially cautious and watchful over potential bully behavior…I’m a teacher so I see it all the time. Kids get very broken when this happens and it leads to unnecessary feelings and contemplation. I know what you’re thinking–no, he is not the only young man of color at the school but I’m pretty sure things would have been handled different if he was of a different….nah, I’m not going there today. Let me digress again.

Of course, I questioned the mess out of him and I’ve already made arrangements to speak to the admin on my lunch break. Girl…you think I’m playin?? One thing that I’m not skilled in is controlling my mouth when I get upset. Lord, help me on today.

Black Boy Joy….

My son isn’t an ordinary kid, in fact, he is amazing, gifted, talented and my son so that in itself is golden. Seriously though, I taught him to be himself and not to conform to what society expects for you to be.

I’m so happy to say that the majority of his friends are Asian, Latino, Black and White…you get it, right? This mentality of having a rainbow of friends more than likely came from his experiences abroad. I boast about that to EVERYONE because it has made such a significant impact on his life. His travels around the world…exposure to different languages, cultures, experiences—I know that the time we spent in both the UAE and Uganda has made him magical… #blackboymagic

The truth is…

I remind him daily that he is developing into a very powerful black man and no matter what mom thinks, I tell him this, “The world has already put labels on you and will try its best to box you into a mentality that is not befitting nor true.”

(*Clears throat*) Ahhh hem…I digress because I can feel the blood pressure rising…

What the heck happened?!?

So, I asked him a series of questions in panic like, “Did you see anyone around the bathroom at the time?” or “Has anyone been teasing you or acting funny?”

Enemy….try me if you want but don’t “&$%” with my son…

Waking up this morning, I have a more leveled head about it. The thought of a bully…an attack…a prank–whatever it is….I declare and decree that no weapon formed shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17).

Although the situation could have been worse, this was a wake up call for both of us. I brought up the conversation about being more observant of your surroundings, cautious about “friends” and the fact that everyone has a hater…no matter how great you think you are…life throws lemons and haters your way just because…life wouldn’t be life without them. I love lemons in my water, by the way. #randomthoughts

I even told him that yes, start using discernment.

“What’s that, mom?”

“Discernment is…well son, let’s just say you gotta trust that gut feeling because it doesn’t lie.” I said with a side eye intact.

“Oh, and don’t think that the world excludes you from the malicious attempts because it happens to the best of us.”

You have to protect your spirit and your peace.

I expect my personal attacks to come….like a questionable health report phone call I received the other day, the distance I feel with the one I love or my finances…Bye Felica!

Attacks remind me that its my time for progress and change and the enemy doesn’t like to see this at all…#spiritual growth.

How do I combat the attacks?

Attack me if you want….but I know better. God has me and the same for you.

Did I intend for this post to be a sermon? Nah…but ya girl needed to speak this word into the universe on today because the enemy will try you if you aren’t careful.

Your season of change, progress, growth and favor is here. So, automatically expect attacks–against your spirit, mind, emotions, body, family, work life, etc. I have been using my morning time to pray, read the word, journal and really search God with my heart.

When I see attacks now, it reminds me that my faith needs to step it up a bit.

It is only a test.

Lesson learned

Don’t get weary in a season of change. When it seems like the attacks start rolling in, you want to question God, faith and trust. Who do you run to? It’s in the season of change when discouragement sets in and you ask yourself, “Is this even worth it?”

For you God-fearing moms, speak to your kids about this. The attacks hit all areas of our lives, especially our closest loved ones.

Here are a few scriptures I read to help me combat the rise of an attack on my life:

The word is full of scriptures regarding attacks. These are just a few that you can meditate on right now as you prepare for whatever is coming your way. I’m believing for a breakthrough, anointed favor and God’s call on your life.

More than enough…

We as women, especially of color, sometimes have the tendency to compare ourselves to the next because we feel they may have more or less than us and that it could be a threat to our overall progress thus far. Girl! Shut the front door!

True story–I got into this relationship a few years back, prior to moving overseas, I started dating this guy when I was still living in Chicago. I didn’t set any clear boundaries for myself prior to getting involved, a typical mistake I’ve made in several situations. This also meant that I didn’t take the time to really get to know this dude so I found myself in a heap of unnecessary drama. I don’t know if it was truly defined as such, but the relationship was short-lived, primarily because I couldn’t take the disrespect.

Here’s why.

So, this particular guy had a fresh baby. I usually don’t give anyone a chance with a fresh baby but there was something about this dude that totally twisted my mind. See, that was my problem, I was so caught up in fleshly desires that I didn’t even give God a chance to speak to me. I was super hard-headed and God will have his way in situations that are not meant. So, I ended up making compromises, sacrifices and bad judgement calls for him….what was the deal with this dude?

I was really not myself and in hindsight…that was so true because I didn’t love myself to recognize the character flaws and red flags blaring in my face. I wanted what I wanted right then and there. No explanation.

From time to time, The “fresh baby’s” mom ( I can’t stand baby mama…I simply refuse) would always “pop” up unexpectedly. Now get this— I have a kid and I know how it works–co-parenting relationships exist….I get that. This situation, however, was so suspect that it had me really second guessing my decision to be with this guy in the first place. When I found out that the sudden “pop” ups weren’t for co-parenting meet-ups and instead for “let’s see if I can get my man back” hook-ups instead, I had to get the heck out of dodge. Cheaters? Not I.

As my self-esteem diminished and disappointment set in, I continuously asked myself, “Am I not enough?” “Why would he go back to her?” “What did she have that I didn’t?”

Stop! This is too much drama…So…

Then it started. The comparison game. I became more and more insecure about my looks, personality and who I was. I was in a place wrought with insecurity because I didn’t know my worth.

Here we go again…another failed attempt at love. What the hell? I hate to admit this but I sold myself short by compromising my body, mind and soul for this man who gave two shits about me and my worth.

On top of that, I neglected my relationship with God, family, my son, friends and my job at the time.

I was jaded, bitter and angry….a place that I didn’t want to be in. I dare not to be labeled as the chick with the angry black women’s syndrome. I can’t stand that phrase, by the way.

Let me tell you–I had a lot of inner work to do starting with affirming to myself that I am more than enough and that I don’t need to compare myself to the next queen or settle for less than I deserve.

“Don’t be ashamed of your past…it is your teacher and will provide the wisdom that you need for the next season. You can stay in the cycle or choose to get off…”

I realized that I can’t compare myself to another queen. I can’t hate her for something that is beyond my control. His desire to play games and to string me along was his problem, not mine. The only truth was that it was imperative that I leave the situation before it got disgustingly ugly. I knew I deserved more. I knew that my worth was greater than comparing myself or being someone’s optional plan. No, not I.

The truth is…

What is for you is for you. No man nor woman can steal what God has destined for your life. You are enough just the way you are and the only things that need to change is what ever is holding you back from being your best self. I’m so glad that I finally stepped into the truth of who I am.

If your “bae” doesn’t see your value and worth, let them go.  All women are unique in their own right. Comparing yourself to the next is one of the most dangerous forms of self-sabotage. Once you realize who you really  are and what you were made to do, flaws and all, it will all make sense. So, you can finally say so long to dead beat relationships with people who don’t value you. You deserve more.

Strive to be greater than your yesterday.

I pray that you begin to manifest a kind of self-love that won’t allow you to degrade where you are in life but will allow you to see your progress, growth, change and purpose for being here. I pray that supernatural blessings in the form of relationships/marriages manifest for you this year! Remember, you are more than enough.

Affirmations:

  •  I am enough.
  • I am a beautiful work in progress.
  • I’m unapologetically favored!

You are enough!

 

1st BOOK COMING SOON!

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Geesh! Can’t you take a compliment?

There was a time when I couldn’t take a compliment. If someone said I looked nice, I would discredit their compliment. If someone complimented me on an accomplishment, I would discretely cringe because I didn’t believe in my self nor did I think highly of who I was.

I was insecure.

I was broken.

I was wrought with low self-esteem.

I had absolutely no confidence whatsoever.

So, a compliment?! No thanks!

I come from a family where there isn’t lots of complimenting, supporting or encouraging. I have had family members plot against me, talk about me behind my back and secretly wish for me to fail.

So, these feelings of unworthiness all came from a place of never feeling adequate. In the beginning of my self discovery process, healing didn’t occur from those traumatic family episodes nor from the few toxic relationships that I entertained. I didn’t know how to love on myself after all this which eventually caused me to neglect my value factor and worth as a woman, causing me to make lots of wrong decisions, especially with men.

What I’ve learned from that is to not harbor bitterness toward the past hurts but to use them as a catalyst to create change. 

I started to ask myself, why not?

Why can’t I just say thank you?

Why can’t I believe that I’m a beautiful and talented woman?

Why can’t I recognize my worth?

Seeing that there is value in me took lots of self-love and healing, a very hard but very necessary process.

Complimenting the next will encourage you

I can remember when I was so low that complimenting someone else was not easy. I had to get over the hurdle of insecurity, jealousy and bitterness by uplifting the next person, especially sistars of color.

What’s up with that? Why do we (sistars of color) have such a hard time encouraging one another in true authenticity? It’s slowly happening more often than not but it’s definitely time for a shift.

(Fast forward several years and even more bumps along the way)–

My mindset eventually shifted (THANK GOD) and so did my actions. When the compliments rolled in, I happily accepted them. Why?

Because…

I began to recognize that I couldn’t continue to devalue myself based on someone else’s limited perception of who I am AND I needed to see myself as an extraordinary woman with a priceless value.

Compliments, anyone?

I complimented lots today and I’m proud.

Some of the compliments  included:

“Nice pants.”

“Congratulations on the recognition.”

“What a great post.”

“Beautiful necklace.”

“Awesome idea.”

 

You never know how your words can shift someone’s thoughts about self!

What I noticed is this–with every compliment I gave, it not only encouraged them but me as well. You never know how someone may feel in that very moment. The very impact of your words can shift the whole trajectory of their mindset.

Sometimes, we may not feel like saying anything but remember, whatever you put out into the universe will return to you. Remember, your words, although small, can bring about a HUGE shift in someone’s life. They weigh heavy so use them kindly and wisely.

With all this, don’t forget to compliment and encourage yourself, beautiful soul.

By the way, check out a previous blog post of mine on doing a much needed mirror check.

I’m so thankful that now, I can actually take a compliment. Be blessed.