What I learned from a broken heart…

Affirmation: You are in the process of being healed from your broken heart.

Cooking has become therapeutic for me.

Reading is a positive distraction from my personal worries.

Exercise relieves my stress…when I make time to actually participate.

Writing…has become self affirming and restoring…

Laughing…a reminder of my joy.

These are pieces of my healing process.

When it comes to a crushed heart….ahhh now that’s a hard one.  So many of us beautiful, bright, successful, intelligent you name it-women are dealing with unhealed broken hearts and spirits. We try to cover it up by moving onto the next man because we are afraid of being alone, feel that we are “missing out” or, worse, attempt to create the picturesque idea of what we think our lives “should” be at this point.

Oh girl! I know this story all too well. Hey, I’m in my mid 30’s and if you would have asked me at 18 what I’d be doing now…I would of given you a completely different response than what I’ve experienced. Are my experiences wrong or unwarranted? I won’t get into self judgement at this point but some of my decisions have not been the best. The point is we can’t control it all, even who we fall in love with and what the aftermath of that love looks like.

If someone would have taught me as a teenager how to truly fall in love with myself, I wonder if the amount of heart-break I’ve experienced at this point in my life would have happened. Lord only knows.

In the midst of a confused mind, heart and spirit, we go and go…and go and hide and hide and hide and…put on front after front… without being…still enough to recognize the truth. Truths are told far sooner than the words that speak but we are sooo caught up that we loose…ourselves.

HEALING IS NECESSARY!

I’ve had my heart broken….well actually a few times.  It’s been broken then crushed into tiny pieces to the point where I felt doomed, miserable and unable to recognize that I can be free from the painfully disturbing pain of a heartbreak with sprinkles of love, forgiveness, strength, hope and prayer.

Let me tell you something real- I never gave my broken heart a chance to heal because I didn’t know how.  Please believe that I was the one who went on and on…never really stopping long enough to recognize and love on me. This led to relationships full of extreme disappointment, misuse, manipulation, verbal abuse, confusion, bitterness and malicious bouts of anger…all because I didn’t heal.

Oh, sis, I covered it well…hiding from truth, fearing loneliness, seeking love and recognition from a man when it needed to come from myself.

I got over the man not physically being there but never fully over what hurt I experienced. I can’t blame it all on them. I didn’t recognize my queen status enough to not let it happen. I just continuously moved on thinking that the next one will be much better than the priors. When the next one didn’t make me “feel validated  as a women or “fully” happy, I gave up hope and walked away with yet another…broken heart. First off, don’t fall into the trap of thinking a man should make you feel complete in your happiness or worth. It all starts with you first. I had to learn this the hard way…

The cycle: it went on and on, the act of jumping into a new situationships, one after the next, looking for men to complete me, affirm my importance and to prove to the rest of the watching world that yes, I am successful. Different man, same scenario. Broken hearted. unhealed. repeat. repeat. And…this destructive cycle continued…for years.

I eventually began to accept relationship failure as the norm and was determined to see every man who came into my life as a source of pain because I never healed….

It became too much-

  • When true love entered my life and I found myself making excuses to accept it.
  • When I found myself expecting failure to occur in future relationships.
  • When I couldn’t love myself enough to let go of the past.
  • When all my thoughts became a self-destructive web of confusion, pain, bitterness and brokenness.

Self-love takes work. I recognized the need for healing and wanted to do so.  In order for me to get through this, despite my broken heart experiences, I needed to take all of these healing scenarios into consideration by…

  • Letting go of my past in order to successfully move forward.
  • Anticipating positive change.
  • Learning to trust that God is protecting my heart and spirit.
  • Listening to my inner self.
  • Accepting true love.
  • Giving true love.
  • Speaking positive affirmations aloud.
  • Realizing that all will work out for the good regardless.

When I realized that life always works out for the good…I could finally let go- breathe- seek peace… and finally practice self-love.

Have I accomplished complete success in all these areas? Ha! Noooooo…Hecky naw. Gurl…puleeze! It’s a process.

What are you doing to heal from a past broken heart experience?

Sis-star!  I write from a place of transparency and truth. I share in this space because I  see so many of my friends, acquaintances, family members, sis-stars and readers alike go through the same cycles of self sabotage and hate over and over again. We aren’t built for this! We are built to gain the victory over the stress, the mess, the lost sense of self and most definitely the broken heart. Hearts aren’t meant to stay broken. They are meant to give love and receive love. I knew that I had love to share and that I DESERVED true, unapologetic love…and so do you.

Matter of fact, let’s start by the words you speak over your life. Your heart isn’t broken. Your heart is in a state of healing. Your mind, body and soul are all connected to your healing journey.

Brokenness isn’t a permanent place but a time to reflect, renew and restore. It’s a time to realize what’s broken and then love on yourself enough to want to grow, improve and make peace with your past hurt.

It ALL starts from within. I can’t push you. Your kids can’t. Your sista girls can’t. You have to want change. It starts with the desire to be more in line with purpose. It starts with being in love with your self enough to not allow that broken heart to linger any longer because you deserve joy.  Let’s move forward in the spirit of healing and love.

Remember, it’s a process!

 

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Your worth is greater than your woes…

I want to share something with you…something from my experiences but mainly from my heart space.

In moments of chaos, confusion, bitterness, broken spirits and self-doubt, don’t forget who you were created to be. You weren’t created to hold that emotional baggage for long without figuring out the lesson.

Yes, life happens and I’m a witness to all of the above mentioned emotional upheavals but I had to realize that at some point, self-sabotage is a beast and that my worth was greater than my woes.

I would go around finding excuses for why I shouldn’t love or be loved. I would make excuses for why I am not where I really wanted to be. Procrastination.

Excuses after excuses, self-doubt after self-doubt. I was literally selling out my worth for my woes.

Not anymore.

I decided. I decided that it was time for me to love again…and I’m talking about the love that allows you to fall deeper in love with yourself.

Believe me when I say that…

Positive minds sprinkled with some self-love will shift your perspective.

Shift perspectives affirm truths.

Your truths are what keeps you grounded in peace, self-compassion and awareness.

Your awareness and self-compassion remind you that your purpose is now.

Allowing unproductive or negative situations to dwell only keeps you in a place of mental suffering and emotional turmoil. If I can offer any advice, no matter what is thrown your way, love on you and don’t allow the woes/frustrations or enemy of life keep you in a place of fear, complacency, self-doubt or confusion.

Self sabotage is a beast so don’t allow it to over consume your awesomeness.

Your crown should stay strategically positioned on your head so that you can constantly remember your fabulousness! As I tell my son and my students, hold your head up high and smile. We sometimes need to encourage our own selves, ya feel me?!

Take whatever lesson life is showing and throwing you in the now and use it to your benefit for future reference. We are all here to love, learn, grow, glow, influence and to fulfill our God-given purpose.

If you would just take a moment to shift your thoughts about your self-worth…

Why not love, laugh, reflect, speak truth, listen to your spirit and open your mind to new possibilities and changes?

Love on you and remember, your worth is far greater than your woes.

Change.

BE FREE.

The world needs you to shine today so dust off your crown, put your red lipstick on and strut your stuff in the rain, snow or sleet.

(Sidebar) If you’re like me and live in a warmer climate, you don’t have to be bothered with any of those melodramatic weather scenarios.

Hallelujah! Thank you, Jesus!

Your present moment is a gift from God so shine lady, shine on…

Affirmations:

I am joy, peace and love.

I will allow my amazing spirit to matter today because I’m love.

 

 

In the spirit of…gratitude!

I truly miss this space. You know that when you are in a constant reflection of something or always longing for it, especially when that “thing” pertains to your purpose or being in God’s will for your life, it is a sign that you need to get back on it.

My blog needs heaps of love right now. Feeding the dry places of this blog space is essential to my growth as a writer and my readership.

By the way, I just published another You Tube video on gratitude. Make sure you watch it, like it and subscribe to my channel. I have many more videos coming regarding my journey as a single mom, new relationships/dating and being in the spirit of self-love and awareness.

Speaking of gratitude, what are you grateful for?

I’m grateful for…

  • The Holy Spirit
  • my passion for sharing my story
  • my caring and nurturing spirit
  • motherhood
  • my ups/downs and all in between
  • love
  • My purpose
  • my goofy side
  • My gifts
  • My true tribe both near and far
  • spiritual awakenings
  • My intuitive nature
  • My strengths
  • My weaknesses
  • My health
  • My inspirations
  • My motivations
  • My ambition
  • etc….

It’s not too late to get started.

Keep a gratitude journal. Write down the things about you that you are most grateful for.

Sometimes, you need to be in gratitude of you before you focus on the things that you have. You are a unique creation that deserves constant recognition, love, affirmation, etc. Be in gratitude for you!

Side bar-Finding time to blog in conjunction with the many other aspects of my life has seemed near to impossible, however, shifting my mindset around why I do it evokes immediate gratification for my life.

Yeah, of course I can remember being able to knock out a post at least once a week, but somewhere along the way, I’ve allowed imbalance to set in, causing the rest of my wondering pursuits float on by without any given explanation on my part. I can’t continue to allow this to happen. YOU can’t continue for this to happen.

Are you in constant gratitude over what your life has offered? Are you even in a spirit of receiving those things or are you blinded by the wrong mindset?

I personally have to remind myself to be in consistent gratitude over my ideas, gifts, love for writing, sharing, communicating, helping, teaching, inspiring and…of course my longing for healing. Simply acknowledging the need to be in gratitude over myself allows me to realize that more checks and balances need to be in order for me to fully be present in myself and in full gratitude over the many wonderfully amazing parts of my life. Gratitude baby! Grab you some and…GO!

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Why I said yes…

Ahhh! So…I’ve been officially stretched.

I’ve been stretched like those dresses you take out the dryer that you don’t want to see shrink so you pull and yank on them like your life depends on it to bring them back to their original length and size…yeah you know what I’m talking about.

 

Lord only knows that I can’t stand dresses that flirt right above the ankle. You either need to hide those bad boys with good intention or show them off like you ain’t got no shame. BAM!

Well, I’m not talking about that kind of stretching at all. I’m talking about the kind of stretching that requires you to step way, way, way (did I say way too many times?) outside of your very comfortable zone in order to do something you know will be incredibly powerful.

Sometimes, as Marianne Williamson would say,

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. -Marianne Williamson

So, get this- I was contacted a few weeks ago and asked to be a guest on a new and upcoming podcast called IRosepurpose. Wait! What?! Nooooo…. So, you’re telling me I have to speak about my life to complete strangers??? Yikes!

First off, I must say, I’m really thankful for the opportunity and to be able to see successful and productive women of color collaborating on similar ideas. When I first received the email about the podcast, I’ll be totally honest-I was extremely reluctant. A million and one questions rolled around in my head and some of them went like this:

  • Who am I to be featured on a podcast?
  • What in the world am I going to talk about?
  • Who wants to listen to little ol…me?

Obviously, my fears, lack of confidence and insecurities in regards to public speaking surfaced and reared its ugly head which I honestly don’t like to admit but…well…I did so now the cat is officially out of that bag!

Then, I stopped, breathed and looked in the mirror. I smiled and told myself this:

I‘m a child of the most high and I am called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). He has my whole life in his hands and inevitably, I am healed, delivered and set free from any fears or inhibitions! YES!

The devil is a lie! It is time to STRETCH.

We can’t continue to allow fear, insecurity or ignorance detour us away from our purpose.

Anyhow, I sat on the idea and all the while my emotions were brimming with excitement and anxiety.  Finally, I said YESSSSS which is crazy because at the same time I said that, I was busy finishing the book that I so anticipated to finish entitled, The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes.  This is a must read if you’re like me or ever allowed fear to stop you from doing you. By the way, I love her candid transparency and writing style.

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In the interim, weeks went by, schedule shifts happened and time conflicts inevitably ensued but at the end of it all, that interview was divinely purposed for me and no matter how much I (low key) wanted the easy way out, something kept me connected as if it was destined for me to do this very interview.

I told myself that it was time to stop shying away from purpose and to finally start kicking fear in the ass, facing it all head on, no matter the trepidation. 

Well, after much anticipation, I interviewed for the IRosepurpose podcast on June 29th in a cozy public library room and when I tell you I was on fire….girl, you better WATCH OUT! It was so lit…as the young folk like to say.

I had the opportunity to not only share my story and journey as a single mom living abroad for a few years but also how I found my purpose in the midst of it all.

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I was also totally feeling the collaboration because it is so important that women of color join forces by pursing like-minded ventures that positively influence other women in and around our communities. I think the best part of this interview was hearing myself become totally transparent, sharing explicit details of my struggle as a single mom.

Sometimes, replaying situations in our heads can be a painful reminder, but when doing so for a greater cause, it humbles us and becomes a gentle reminder of our strength, purpose, resilience and faith.

These are the reasons why I stretch, rise and conquer above it all!

These are the reasons why living life to the fullest is such a profound movement! Let’s get it!

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Stay tuned because I’ll post a link to the interview in another post once it’s ready.

I’m excited for open doors and amazing opportunities. 

Oh, and make sure you support the IRosepurpose podcast. They are doing some amazing things with their brand and I’m excited for their premiere into the world of purpose and podcasts! #Blackgirlsrock

Since we are on the subject of podcasts, I am way more into them than I’ve ever been.

Do you listen to any?

Well, just in case you need some suggestions, here is a list of a few motivational/inspirational podcasts by and for women that I actively listen to:

IROSEpurpose

Side Hustle Pro

Black Girl Boss

Just 2 Pearls

Myleek Teele

Happy Black Women

Happy podcasting! 

 

 

What I didn’t know about event planning…

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So, I did it. I finally had my very first Single Mother’s meet-up called “Single in Purpose.” Ahhhh. I can breathe now.

Have you ever anticipated something for so long and once it was over, you realize that it wasn’t that bad after all? Yep! That was me.

I didn’t realize how much worry I allowed to slip into my head space about this entire thing as if God didn’t already confirm that it was going to be super amazing!

Event Details

The “Single in Purpose” event theme was created to encourage single moms to pursue life with purpose despite the circumstances. So, if you’re single or not necessarily where you want to be in life, pursue your goals/dreams/ambitions with purpose and full intent.

This event, which was held on Saturday, May 13th at 10:30 a.m., encompassed inspiring conversations, engaging ice breakers and meaningful connections with various single moms around the Las Vegas area.

The event lasted a little over an hour and to be quite honest, my agenda list far outweighed my time selection. I set up the agenda to include introductions, fun but impactful ice breakers, (getting to know you) games, discussions, hands on reflection activities and of course, indulgence in the appetizer selections, especially those cupcakes and chocolate covered strawberries!

I rented a room at the West Las Vegas library on Lake Mead and MLK which is in a central section of Las Vegas. I specifically selected that location because of the demographic that I want to target for my program which is young, AA single moms. I promoted in that area as well, passing out fliers to the local community centers and young moms.

 

To totally top it all off, we had four raffle giveaways which included items such as a massage giveaway, free book, wine set and a $25 VISA gift card. It was phenomenal to be able to give away gifts to deserving moms on Mother’s Day.

That Surreal moment when it starts to make sense…

After the event was finalized, I felt so accomplished and relieved at the same time. I even felt more confident than ever before to conquer one of my biggest fears again…hosting an event and speaking in front of people.

This event, my friends, was a very long time coming because I’d been mulling over the idea for quite a while but doubted it because I didn’t see the value in the vision God gave to me. You know what it really was…I didn’t feel worthy enough to take on this responsibility. I am someone who has definitely not lived the life of dignity and grace. Who am I to get up and speak to a group of women about change?

I kept telling myself that I’ve had my fair share of mess ups and so-called challenges, however, God doesn’t see it that way. He sees our capabilities, trials and now testimonies and wants us to be in  greater position to help others who are going through similar situations.

All of our past issues are definitely not in vain and are there to help us speak into the lives of others.

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I was beyond grateful that I, Miss Kris, finally had a platform that gives other single moms in the Las Vegas area the opportunity to grow in so many ways, however, moving forward, it’s up to me to trust the process, act upon the vision, take the wheel and be obedient and FOCUSED!

Ladies, we need to stop feeding ourselves negative self talk and living in the past. It’s over and all the lies that were told about you are, too. You can’t keep putting yourself down because of your past decisions. You have a choice to move on or to stay put and wallow in your misery.

Here are some pictures from the event…

A moment of truth…

All of it came together for me on that day when the women who attended shared their testimonies and stories, something that we can all relate to in some way.

One of the attendees shared an amazing testimony with the group which really confirmed that what I’m doing in on time and purposeful. She shared that this event was powerful for her and that she is glad that there is opportunities for women to network, socialize, grow, change and get inspired. YEEEESSSS!

This is what it’s all about, momentous changes, joy, peace and self-love.

Event Planning tips…

If I would have known better…well there is always a next time:

  • Find a venue that suites the specific purpose and plan for your event.
  • Make sure the time frame is reasonable for all that you need to do.
  • Don’t overspend. Research more cost efficient ways to save when planning.
  • Be consistent on social media when publicising your event.
  • Be proactive in the community by participating at other like-minded events by sharing your event, business card and purpose. You’ll be surprised at who else wants to support you.
  • Send out communication for your event at least 3-4 weeks prior.
  • Smile. Have fun and remember your purpose behind it all.

If you are planning an event or at least thinking about it, I say go for it with total gusto! You got this. I actually had fun in the process because it kept me extremely busy but focused. That’s what we need, more community leaders and advocates for healthy change in our communities. We need more unity and communication. We need to help others as much as possible and give our time to places that need it the most.

You have an event planning idea? Please believe, girlfriend, I don’t coin myself as such but it just happened that way and so far…so darn good!

Don’t sit on your greatness….Find ways to execute your idea, even if it starts out small…don’t give up!

I can’t wait to hear about your first event planning experience. Have you planned an event recently? What are some tips you can offer?

Stay tuned for future Mommies who R.I.S.E. events. Topics include:

  • Self-Love
  • Healthy, Holistic living
  • Relationships
  • Financial literacy
  • Parenting

and…more!

Until next time,

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